Evil Dead: Hail to the King
by J.M. Bowers
Summary: When Raven of the Teen Titans opens a cursed manuscript, she unleashed an army of darkness on Titan City. Now, the only man who can help her is Ashly J. Williams. Let the battle begin!
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

As the moon slowly rose over the horizon of Titan City, a dark figure made its way down the street to a destination unknown. Looking around suspiciously, it stowed away into a dimly-lit building bearing an occult symbol on the door.

"Well, if it isn't my favorite customer," the man at the counter said. His pale complexion clashed with his jet black hair and dark clothing. His eyes, however, shone light blue, betraying his rather demonic appearance.  
"What are you talking about?" Raven said, pulling down her hood to reveal her face. "I'm practically your only customer."  
"Well, you got me there," he said. "Just figured I'd try a little constructive criticism."  
"Lestat, don't you ever give up?" the Teen Titan said, smirking.  
"Can't blame me for trying," the man said shrugging his shoulders.  
"Got anything interesting in recently?" the girl asked, glancing around the store.  
"Not much," Lestat said. "Books of the Occult are getting harder to come by these days."  
Getting off his stool, the man rotated his neck.  
"I'll be right back," he said, heading into a back room. "Take a look around."  
With that, Raven found herself alone in the store for the moment. Her eyes scanned the shelves of books, looking for something that might catch her attention.  
"Vampires, Werewolves, Zombies...Ugh, pathetic," she remarked to herself.  
Suddenly, something on a lower shelf sparked her interest. Stepping closer, she took a closer look at her find.  
What sat before her was a book that seemed out of place - even here. It looked ancient, like it belonged in a museum somewhere.  
Raven's hands slowly grasped the book. To her, it felt as if it had been bound in leather many years ago.  
Examining the book as she held it, the girl proceeded to turn it over to the cover. As she did, she nearly screamed in fright - the cover of the book bore a ghoulish face, oddly human!  
"This book wasn't bound in leather," she said to herself. "It's bound in skin!  
Despite her frightening discovery, Raven continued by opening the book. What she found seemed to be ancient text written in red ink. However, her heritage and upbringing on Azareth allowed her to translate the scripture.  
"_Kando...Nefara...Nik_-" Raven stopped as a cold chill ran down her spine. Her eyes wide open, she looked back down at the text.  
"Whoa," she uttered. "Enough of that."  
Suddenly, a voice projected itself from the darkness: "So, you find something?"  
Spinning around, the Titan found Lestat staring back at her.  
"Wh-What is this?" she asked, holding up the book for him to see.  
"Whoa..." he said, taken aback. "You've got yourself something mighty interesting there."  
Raven brought the book over to the man, and laid it on the counter.  
"What is it?" she asked.  
Lestat's eyes shone with a mysterious glow.  
"You sure you wanna know?" he asked.  
The girl nodded.  
"Well," he began, "what we got here is an ancient book."  
"You mean, like, from the 1960's?" the goth girl said, smirking.  
"More like 1060," Lestat said. "In fact, it's older than that."  
Holding the book up, he continued.  
"This is an arcane manual for contact with the demon world," he said. "It's simply known as the Necronomicon Ex Mortis - roughly translated..."  
"...The Book of the Dead," Raven finished for him.  
Lestat grinned.  
"I didn't know you understood Latin," he said.  
"There are a lot of things you don't understand about me," the girl replied.  
There was a pause.  
"So, what else do you know about this book?" Raven asked.  
"Well, the story goes that some archaeologist - a Professor Raymond Knowby - unearthed the Necronomicon about ten years ago in Egypt," Lestat explained. "He then took it to an old cabin in the woods just outside of Dearborn, Michigan to study it."  
"What'd he find out?" Raven asked.  
"No one knows," the man said. "He was never heard from again."  
At this, the Titan crossed her arms over her chest.  
"Is that all?" she said, rather disappointed.  
"Well, the story goes on, but it becomes a little less credible," Lestat said. "A few years ago, some man in Dearborn claimed that the book held the supernatural power to unleash an evil army upon the planet. He said that he was the one who stopped its' power from controlling the world - even claimed he travelled back in time to save the past!"  
"Tch!" Raven said, sarcastically. "Sure he did."  
"Yeah, I feel the same way," Lestat said. "Just another guy trying to get his fifteen minutes of fame."  
For a moment, the young girl eyed the book, contemplating the power it might contain.  
"How much?" she asked.  
The man sat back, lost in thought.  
"Well," he said. "despite its' age, nobody's come calling for it. Too many people are wigged out over the horror stories they've heard about it." Laying his hand on the book, he paused.  
"For you..." He pushed the book towards Raven. "It's on the house."  
The young girl looked at him incredulously.  
"You can't be serious," she said.  
Lestat smiled.  
"I am serious," he replied.  
Raven was shocked. "I-I don't know what to say," she stammered.  
" 'Thank You' is a good start," the man said.  
The Titan smirked. "Thanks," she said, picking up the book.  
"No problemo, Sen`orita," Lestat said.  
The girl giggled - ever so slightly. "You're ridiculous," she said, getting up and heading towards the door.  
The man watched as she headed out the door into the darkness of the night.  
"RRRR," he rolled off his tongue. "What a fox."

The lights from Titan Tower had enough power to blind a person looking upon it from the shore. Raven, however, flew high above the structure, her mind occupied with other things.  
'If what Lestat said is true, then this book just might contain the power to help banish Slade and all the other villains from Titan City,' she thought.  
She clutched the book closer to her chest. 'Maybe even the world,' she finished.  
Landing on the shores of the tiny island, the Titan made her way to the ground elevator. Stepping inside, she pressed the button for the top floor, escaping from the dark night.

"OH! You are so going down!" Beast Boy yelled as he furiously mashed the buttons on his controller.  
"That's what you said five rounds ago!" Cyborg shot back, doing the same.  
"Well, this time I mean it!" The young Titan cried, sweating profusely.  
The two were pounding on each other in Super Shaolin Monkey Showdown IV, and so far had managed to irritate Starfire, the young Tamaranian princess.  
"Would you two please refrain from the excessive loud noisemaking?!" she cried, sitting up from the recliner. "I am barely capable of hearing my own thoughts!"  
Suddenly, a hand placed itself on the young girl's shoulder, startling her.  
"It's no use, Star," Robin said, smirking. "Boys will be boys."  
"But this has gone on for hours!" the girl complained. "When will it cease?"  
"When I beat Cyborg's big metal butt!" Beast Boy replied.  
"Sure!" the mechanical man retorted. "You couldn't kick your own butt, let alone mine!"  
Before anyone could make a response, the elevator doors opened, revealing Raven.  
"Hey, Rae," Robin said. "Where've you been?"  
"At the bookstore," she replied as she headed towards her room.  
"Whoa!" BB said as he jumped up. "What'd ya get?"  
"Nothing you can read," Raven said. "They were all out of Dr. Seuss."  
Beast Boy huffed, and went back to the game.  
As the Titan turned back towards the hallway, she found herself looking into Robin's eyes.  
"So, what did you get?" he asked.  
"...A new spell book," The girl lied. "You know, something to expand my abilities."  
As the two teens looked at each other, Beast Boy snuck up and grabbed the book out from under Raven's arm.  
"What the - HEY!" she said, completely caught off-guard. "Give that back!"  
"Why should I?" the boy said, holding it above his head.  
It was at this moment Starfire glanced up from the recliner and caught sight of the book's cover.  
"EEEK!" she shrieked, falling out of the chair.  
As she got up, the other Titans stared at her in shock.  
"Yo, Star," BB asked. "What's with you?" Then he caught a glimpse of the front cover.  
"AAAH!" he cried tossing the book on the floor in front of him. "Dude, that book's got a FACE!"  
Embarrassed, Raven quickly scooped the book back up.  
"What is up with that thing?" the boy asked, recovering from shock. "And why's it have a face, Rae?"  
"It's....it's none of your business!" the Goth girl yelled. "All of you just...LEAVE ME ALONE!!"  
With that, she stormed back to the elevator, and headed for the roof of the tower. As the doors closed, the Titans looked at one another.  
"There is something wrong with that book," Starfire said, shivering. "I could feel it. It is something....evil."  
"I know," Robin replied. "I felt it, too. Something just doesn't feel right about this..."

On top of Titan Tower, Raven sat cross-legged with the Necronomicon before her.  
"This book has got to have something in it that will give me an edge over the bad guys," she said.  
This was something that the Titan had been worrying about. Her powers - though incredible - seemed to be more of a burden at times. It was common knowledge that every superhero had their weaknesses, but Raven sought to find a way to be practically invincible.  
Taking a deep breath, she proceeded to open the book to a passage that had caught her eye. To the best of her knowledge, the enchantment contained the power to render the caster invulnerable to any and all attacks - even those deemed as supernatural. For all intensive purposes, this was a spell of immortality - and it was something that Raven simply could not pass up.  
Slowly, she followed the inscription. She already knew from past experiences that reading a spell wrong could have devastating effects on her and the people around her. This was something the Titan had vowed never to repeat.  
After a few reads, the girl felt confident enough to speak the scripture aloud. Taking another deep breath, she began:  
"_Cervo, Sanquis, Alante, Klattu, Verata, Quistan_...."

Robin felt a cold chill run down his spine.  
"Something's wrong..." he said.  
Rushing to the window, he was met with a grim surprise - a violent, swirling vortex was beginning to form in the skies over the tower. Red streaks of lightning transversed across the spinning cloud.  
Watching this phenomenon unfold before him, the Titan could think of only one thing.  
"Raven...." he uttered.  
Quickly, he turned to the other Titans. "Guys!" he cried, urgency in his voice. "We've got to get to the roof! We have to stop Raven!"

The vortex picked up strength with every word that came from the Titan's mouth. An eerie greenish-blue light radiated from deep within the swell.  
"_Nikto, Venta, Caulta, Klattu Cinto Kando_!!" Raven cried as she finished the spell. Within moments, the vortex spun wildly out of control, shooting red flashes of light across the night sky.  
"Oh, no," the girl said, standing up. "Did I say it wrong?"  
The only response was a beam of greenish-blue light that erupted from the cyclone and enveloped Raven's body. She tried to scream, but it was too late...

"RAVEN!" Robin cried as the elevator doors opened upon the grisly scene. The young Titan's body was suspended some fifteen feet from the top of the roof. She hung motionless in the air, like a puppet on a string.  
"What is happening to our friend?" Starfire asked, frightened.  
"I wish I knew, Star," Robin said, forced to stand by helplessly as the spell ran its' course. "I wish I knew..."

Raven opened her eyes. She was quickly met with a blinding white light that wrapped around her.  
"Where am I?" she asked.  
Suddenly, the light dimmed, and the girl found herself in the white nothingness of limbo.  
"I've been waiting for you," a raspy voice echoed around the Titan.  
"What?" she asked. "What are you? Where are you?"  
There was a pause, followed by the chilling words: "Right in front of you..."  
To Raven's shock, the white dimension exploded into an inferno, mimicking that of the pits of Hell. Now the girl from Azareth stood among the flame before a gruesome sight - a serpentine creature, bearing a humanoid torso and head with fanged teeth, fiery read hair, and a face that was hauntingly feminine.  
"I definitely must have spoken the words wrong!" Raven said, backing away in fear.  
"No, you spoke them correctly!" it laughed. "Though the outcome seems not to your liking."  
"What kind of abomination are you?!" the Titan said, a look of disgust on her face.  
At this, the nightmarish creature rose up on its' tail, towering over Raven.  
"I...am the Deadite Queen!" it roared, its' very voice shaking the walls of reality. "I have been trapped in this book for over 700 years, and thou have freed me!"  
"I'm afraid not," the girl said. "You're going back where you belong!"  
Putting her hands in front of her, Raven chanted: "Azareth, Metreon, Zinth-!" The creature shot a giant fireball at the Titan, who quickly abandoned her casting and dodged the attack.  
"I won't have any of that now!" The Deadite Queen shrieked. "It's about time I got rid of you!"  
As it spoke, the monster's own dark powers binded Raven. Despite her power, she couldn't break the bonds that entwined her.  
"Now you will take my place inside the Necronomicon, and I will use your body as a vessel to reawaken the Army of Darkness and conquer the world!" it cried, triumphantly.  
"NO!" the goth girl screamed. "I...won't...let you!"  
The creature laughed. "My dear, I fear you have no choice in the matter," it said. "You wished for immortality, and you shall have it - trapped in this book FOREVER!"  
As it finished, a swirling vortex similar to the first one appeared. With tremendous force, the Deadite Queen flung Raven into its' maw.  
"NOOOOO!" she screamed as she spun 'round and 'round in the portal. As she looked back, she could only watch as the creature closed the entrance.  
Then....darkness.

The beam of light retreated back up into the vortex, releasing Raven's body from its grasp. The Titans quickly approached as the cyclone melted away as mysteriously as it had come.  
"Raven, are you alright?" Robin asked as he stepped closer to the girl's body.  
Slowly, she got up from the cold steel, and steadied herself. "I'm fine," she said, pulling the hood back over her head.  
As she looked out towards Titan City, an evil grin spread across her boney face, and eerie glow in her gray eyes. "I fact...I've never felt better."


	2. Chapter 1

Raven opened her eyes. Moments before, she had stood in the presence of a hellish creature that had sent her flying through a portal to God-knows-where. Now she found herself in the middle of a rocky terrain - bare, lifeless, and silent. Nearby, a waterfall seemed to have crimson blood cascading down its' massive face into a pond below. The skies were overcast, with torrent bolts of red lightning ripping through the misty clouds.  
"This can't be happening," she said to herself, fear in her voice. "This is the realm of the Necronomicon?!"  
Scanning the desert before her, the girl found no signs of life...at least, no life she could recognize. As the hopelessness of her situation sunk in, she dropped to her knees, and punched the ground with her fists.  
"Ohhh... IDIOT!" she yelled. "Why did I have to read that stupid book?! God know what I just unleashed on Titan City!"  
Then, another revelation came to her.  
"Oh no!" she cried. "My friends! They won't be able to stop that thing! It's too powerful for them to fight! I have to get back there! I have to find a way out of this place!"  
Raven sat in silence for a moment, examining the situation. If it had taken the Deadite Queen 700 years to escape to confines of the book, then what chance did she have?  
Pondering for a few more moments, she came upon a new idea...  
"That's it!" she said aloud. "I could transport myself to Azareth! Even this book lacks the ability to counter my teleportation spell! I can transport there, and from there back to Earth!"  
Sitting cross-legged on the ground, the Titan chanted the mystic spell that would teleport her to her home world of Azareth. Within seconds, a cylindrical beam of light, adored with pentagrams, enveloped her, and soon vanished from the demonic dimension.

Within the spiraling tunnel of interdimensional travel, Raven flew as fast as possible as she negotiated the path to her home world. Should she fail to hit her target, she could end up back in the Necronomicon, waiting until she had the power to try once again.  
"Come on," she said, impatiently. "I gotta get back to Titan City and stop....whatever that thing is!"  
Suddenly, the girl felt something wrap around her ankle. Before she could respond, it tensed up, bringing her to an abrupt halt.  
Looking down, Raven saw a thick brown tentacle tugging on her foot. Following it back to the source, she nearly screamed in fright: at the opposite end of the tunnel sat the Necronomicon, its giant mouth open as more tendrils shot from it to ensnare her.  
"Oh God!" she cried. "It's-it's trying to eat me!  
The goth girl struggled against the pull of the tendrils, but to no avail. The book seemed almost amused as it slowly continued to pull her towards its' gaping maw.  
"NOO!" she screamed, fighting it every step of the way.  
As she was reeled in mere feet from the monstrosity, Raven heard a WHOOSH - and felt the force of the tendrils on her body weaken. As she recomposed herself, the Necronomicon screamed in pain as it retracted its' appendages. It was at this moment the Titan noticed that a few of the tentacles had been slashed - some rather deeply.  
The book closed its' mouth, and vanished in a flash of white light, blinding Raven. When she could see again, she found herself at the base of what appeared to be the ruins of a holy temple.  
"Okay, this bouncing around dimensions stuff is getting old," she said. "Where am I now?"  
A blinding flash answered her question.  
"That's getting pretty old, too," she quipped. Then she gasped as two beings emerged from the light and stood before her.  
"Who are you?" she asked, shielding her eyes.  
One of the beings, a female entity dressed similarly to Starfire, stepped forward.  
"We are two of the last remaining Ancients of the world," it spoke in a powerful voice that reverberated off the walls of the temple. "We witnessed the release of the Deadite Queen from the pages of the Necronomicon."  
Raven looked at the ground, embarrassed. "Oh," she muttered. "So I guess you saw what happened on the roof, then."  
"YOU BET YOUR PATHETIC MORTAL ASS WE DID!" the second Ancient, a warrior entity of massive power, roared. His voice seemed to shake the walls even more than the first's. As of the moment, his incredible size unnerved the young girl to no end. "You could not just settle for your god-given powers, could you?"  
"Look, I -" Raven was cut off by the Ancient's response. "SILENCE!" it shouted, the tone of its voice sending a chill up her spine. "You do not comprehend the ramifications of your actions! With the Deadite Queen unleashed upon your unsuspecting mortal world, she will lay waste to all that oppose her!"  
The warrior stepped forward, towering over the Titan. His eyes burned with the flames of fury.  
"How does it feel to be responsible for the extinction of the entire human race?!" he shouted down at her.  
"Mentho, that is enough!" the first Ancient shouted, interrupting its' companion. "All is not lost yet. We still have a chance of defeating the Deadite Queen and restoring peace to the Earth!"  
"H-How?" Raven asked.  
" We need to acquire the services of 'The Chosen One'," it said.  
"And how do you suppose we do that, Kitara?" Mentho growled. " With the dark power of the Necronomicon reawakened, we are trapped in the Ethereal Realm!"  
"We may be," Kitara said as she slowly pointed down as Raven. "...but she is not."  
"FOOL! She does not even have her body anymore!" Mentho roared. "How can she deliver our message?"  
"We can give her a physical form to travel back to the Material Realm," the female entity retorted. "That is well within our power."  
Mentho grunted loudly, and crossed his massive arms over his equally massive chest. "So be it," he growled. "But if this little whelp fails in her duty, she will learn that the Deadite Queen and I have something in common!"  
Kitara ignored her accomplice, and placed a hand on Raven's shoulder. "You must locate the Chosen One, and inform him of the crisis at hand," she said. "Only he will be able to muster the power to defeat the Army of Darkness and restore Earth to its' former beauty."  
With a wave of her hand, the Ancient opened a portal back to the Material Realm.  
"This is where you must go," Mentho said, handing a piece of parchment over to the Titan. "Find our savior, or all will be lost!"  
Raven looked down at the instructions she was just given. Her eyes widened with disbelief as she read on. Finally, she turned to the Ancients, a bewildered look on her face. "You're sending me to a shopping center in the backwoods of Michigan?" she asked, dumbfounded.  
Without a reply, Kitara pushed the girl into the spinning vortex.  
Not happy with another go inside an interdimensional washing machine, Raven closed her eyes. "I hope they know where they're sending me," she said as she spiraled into the eye of the portal.


	3. Chapter 2

100 miles south of Dearborn, Michigan....

"Kaz, I can't believe that you want us to trudge out to the middle of nowhere without you telling us why?" Ami yelled at her road manager.  
"Yea, this is pretty low - even for you," Yumi stated, angrily.  
This was a normal situation for the two young girls who headlined the famed Japanese rock band PuffyAmiYumi - a chance for a nationwide U.S. tour being placed on the back burner as Kaz - their eccentric and sometimes klutzy road manager - once again changed the band's plans without consolidating them first.  
"GRRR! Can you at least tell us why we're heading to some lousy backwoods town instead of Detroit Rock City?!" Yumi yelled. She was the more hardcore of the two girls, with her studded-and-spiked wrist bands and dark purple hair embodying the word 'punk'.  
"It's simple, girls," the short, balding man explained from behind the wheel of the tour bus. "Dearborn is a place of myth and legend. I think it would be a good location for our next video shoot!"  
At this, Yumi's eyes nearly bulged out of her skull. "Oh, no you don't!" she snarled. "The last time you came up with a place, we ended up on an island prison fighting for our lives with demons!"  
"Yeah!" Ami added, brushing back her long pink hair. "If it hadn't been for Joey Detillo and Torque, we'd have never gotten out of that place!"  
"Speaking of Torque," Yumi said to her friend, changing the subject, "have you heard from him lately?"  
"Yeah, he e-mailed me about a week ago," the girl said. Her light-hearted style and bright-colored clothes couldn't hide the fact that she was a rocker. "He said he can't wait for our next show in Maryland. I promised him some free passes for helping us."  
"WHAT?!" Kaz screamed as he swerved all over the road. "Are you crazy, Ami?!" We don't give out free passes to anyone!"  
"Kaz, the guy saved our lives!" Yumi cried, angrily. "We probably owe him a lot more than that, but I think this is a good start!"  
" He was one of the inmates!" the manager said, regaining control of the vehicle. "He's the one who owes us - and I don't even think he paid me anything!"  
"Jeez, why do you have to be such a tightwad with cash?" The punk girl asked, before adding, "Especially when it's our cash?!"  
"Because if I'm not, you girls will spend it all before I even have a chance to count it!" Kaz said matter-of-factly.  
"Well, at least we'd get to spend it..." Yumi muttered under her breath.  
"What was that?" the man asked.  
"Nothing," the girl quickly responded.  
For the moment, the three sat in silence, with only the hum of the bus's engine reverberating throughout the coach.  
Suddenly, bright flashes of light penetrated the windshield, nearly blinding the entire crew. Thunder ripped through the cloudless night sky, shaking the very ground that the bus rode on.  
"IIEEE! UFOS!" Kaz screamed, freaking out. "No, not again!"  
Despite the piercing light - and her manager's nervous breakdown - Ami made out the silhouette of a person landing on the ground mere feet from the coach's front tires.  
"KAZ! STOP!" she screamed - and held on for dear life as the vehicle came to a violent and unorthodox stop.  
'Dear God, I hope we stopped in time,' the girl thought to herself as she and Yumi quickly exited the bus.

So far, Raven's night had been going pretty sour. Evil books, demons, spiraling portals that seemed a little too much like toilets - all in all a bit too much for one person to deal with rationally. Now, as she opened her eyes, she was met again with an interesting sight - the treads of a Goodyear tire inches from her face. Bolting up, she heard a scream - and noticed that Ami and Yumi were nearly as freaked out as her.  
"Jeez-us, don't scare us like that, Raven!" Yumi said, recognizing the young Titan. They had played a gig in Titan City a few weeks back, and the Teen Titans had shown up - not for the concert, but to beat down the nefarious Mad Mod as he attempted to hijack the band's musical equipment for an equally-nefarious plan. Needless to say, the two girls immediately clicked with the Girl from Azareth, and became friends. "Haven't you heard of using the telephone to talk to someone instead of just appearing out of thin air?"  
"I guess it keeps down on the long-distance bills," the goth girl said, sarcastically.  
"Seriously, though," Ami said, her heartbeat finally slowed down, "you're pretty lucky we didn't run you over!"  
Raven slowly got up from the asphalt and brushed herself off, saying as she did so, "Judging by the way my night's gone so far, that probably would have been tolerable."  
"What in the world are you doing all the way out here - wherever here is?" Yumi asked, confused.  
The girl looked at her, her right eyebrow raised. "I could ask you the same question," she replied.  
"HEY!" Kaz's voice echoed from inside the bus. "You girls better hurry up. Otherwise, we'll never get to Dearborn on time!"  
"We never get anywhere on time, so what's your point?" Yumi retorted.  
"Wait a minute - You guys are going to Dearborn?" Raven said, stunned.  
"Yea, Kaz is pulling us off our tour to go visit it," Ami said, sighing. "It's just another example of Kaz being Kaz. Why do you ask?"  
The Titan slowly looked down at the piece of parchment in her hand. The word 'Dearborn' was indeed written across it.  
"Well, this might sound strange to you guys, but that's exactly where I'm heading, too," she said softly, looking at the ground.  
"Well, come on!" Ami said cheerfully as she waved her over. "We can't just leave you out here in the middle of nowhere!"  
"I could!" Kaz yelled from behind the wheel. "Especially if she wastes any more of my time!"  
Being the first one back on the bus, Yumi kicked the back of the driver's seat, launching the manager's head into the steering wheel with a reverberating HONK from the coach's horn.  
"HEY! What was that for, Yumi?!" the little man whined as he nursed his forehead.  
The punk girl laughed. "No particular reason," she said.  
Getting aboard, Raven allowed herself a small smile. Despite the events that had transpired earlier, that had made her feel a little better.

"So Raven, why exactly are you heading out to Dearborn?" Ami asked the Titan as the bus continued on its' route.  
The girl was quiet for a moment. "I'm not quite sure you two would even believe me," she said, quietly.  
"Trust us, we've seen it all," Yumi said as she propped her feet up on the couch. "When you travel with Kaz, everyday is a new lame-brained adventure."  
The goth girl looked down at her hands. "I don't think you've ever seen anything like what I've been witness to within the last four hours," she said, her voice quivering. "In fact, I hope you never have to."  
There was silence for the moment as the three girls sat lost in thought.  
"Well, I can tell you what I'm doing," Kaz butted in from behind the wheel. "I'm heading to Dearborn for personal reasons."  
"And what reasons might that be, Kaz?" Raven asked, as she and the others pretended to be interested.  
The man smiled. "Dearborn is a part of history," he began. "The legend goes that a wayward professor came to this town to study an ancient artifact he had uncovered in Egypt."  
"What'd he find?" Yumi retorted. "Ancient mummy toilet paper?"  
"SHH! You'll ruin the story!" the manager shot back at her. "Anyway, what the professor had really found was a book from the medieval times."  
The mentioning of a book sparked Raven's attention. "Did you say 'a book'?" she asked.  
"Yep," the old man said. "It was called Necronomicon -"  
"-Ex Mortis!" the Titan exclaimed, interrupting Kaz. "The Book of the Dead!"  
"Hey! How did you know that?" the driver said.  
"Because that book is the reason I'm in the mess I'm in right now!" Raven yelled, fury in her voice. "It's cost me everything...even my friends."  
"Whoa!" Yumi said, astonished. "One of Kaz's stories is actually making sense!"  
"Why thank you.....HEY!" the road manager exclaimed.  
Ami laughed at him, shaking her head.  
"Anyway," Kaz continued. "The good professor took the book to a cabin in the woods near Dearborn, and was never heard from again."  
"Wait a minute," Yumi interjected. "If the professor was never seen again, then how did the book wind up in Titan City and in Raven's hands?"  
"I'd tell you if you'll let me get that far!" the man said.  
"Well, all I know is that I got the book from a local bookstore in the city," Raven said. "The guy who owns the place, Lestat, told me the story about the book, but I never believed that it could even be remotely true."  
"Can I please finish my story?!" Kaz interrupted the girl before she could continue. "Where was I? Oh yes - the story goes on to say that a group of teenagers happened upon the book when they arrived at the cabin for spring break. After one of them read from the book, an evil power was unleashed in the woods surrounding the cabin. Even though they tried their hardest, in the end the darkness would claim them all....except one."  
Raven looked at the man, stunned. "You must be joking," she said. "Only one person survived all that?"  
"Yep," he said. "In fact, he was the one who defeated the evil and trapped it back into the Necronomicon where it belonged."  
The girls stared at him for the moment. "So...how did the book get to Titan City again," Ami asked.  
"Well, the story goes on, but it's way too long for me to explain it," Kaz said, sighing. "Seriously though, it would probably make a good movie - maybe even a trilogy! Then they could make some cool video games and..."  
"KAZ!" Yumi yelled, startling the old man. "What about the friggin' book?!"  
"Oh yes, the book!" he said. "Well, after the incidents with the book, it was shipped around the world to various experts - none of which could verify that the Necronomicon had the power to enslave the human race. After that, it was lost for some time, finally arriving at an occult bookshop somewhere on the West Coast..."  
"...and right in to my hands," Raven finished, looking down at the floor of the bus.  
"So, why exactly are we going there again?" Ami asked, changing the subject.  
"My sources tell me that the one who defeated the evil - an Ashly J. Williams - still resides in Dearborn today," Kaz said, clapping his hands and acting as giddy as a schoolgirl. "I'm hoping to meet him face-to-face and get his autograph!"  
" 'Ashly'?" Ami said with a giggle. "His parents musta not liked him!"  
While the two rocker girls laughed, Raven sat in thought, her brow furrowed. "Wait a minute..." she said, coming to a revelation."If Mr. Williams was the only one to survive the book's evil, then he must be the Chosen One the Ancients were talking about!"  
" 'Ancients'? 'Chosen One'?" Ami asked, giggling. "How hard did you hit your head when you fell?"  
The Titan shot the rocker a dirty look, which quickly silenced her.  
"You think this is funny?" she asked. "Huh? I opened that book and unleashed some godforsaken creature that possesses my body and locked me away in some shithole dimension so that it can destroy my home and all my friends - and possibly bring the world as we know it to an end - and you sit there and giggle like an idiot?"  
"S-Sorry," Ami stammered in fear.  
"You had better be," the Goth girl growled, her eyes enflamed with rage.  
"Wait a minute!" Yumi interjected. "If this evil whatchamacallit took over your body, how did you get here?"  
Raven sighed. "I escaped from the Necronomicon," she said, quietly. "I had a chance encounter with a couple of beings calling themselves 'The Ancients'. They're the ones who told me that I had to find the Chosen One, and gave me a physical form to return to Earth and stop this so-called 'Deadite Queen' from destroying all humanity."  
The other two girls looked at one another in awe.  
"Well, why don't you just POOF yourself back to Titan City and give that Deadite chick a one-two punch?" Yumi asked.  
"Because all of my power resides in my body, which that creep is in full control of," the girl said, frustrated. "I'm only human now."  
"So, no body, no powers," Ami said, thoughtfully.  
"Exactly," the Titan said. "It looks like the only chance I have of stopping the next Armageddon is to find Ashly Williams."  
"Well," Kaz said to the girls. "At least we're on the right track."  
As the bus continued towards Dearborn, Raven hoped that all the answers to her questions lied in the Chosen One...


	4. Chapter 3

"Well, here we are."

Kaz's voice snapped Raven out of her meditative trance. Looking around, she could see streetlights shining through the windows of the tour bus.

"Finally," she said, sighing. "Civilization." They had been driving all through the night, and the welcoming sight of Dearborn, Michigan dead ahead was almost too good to be true. Things were finally looking up...

Suddenly, the vehicle came to an abrupt halt, jolting both Ami and Yumi out of a deep sleep - and off the couch.

"KAZ! What's the deal?!" Yumi cried as she got back up on her feet.

Looking out the windshield of the bus, the other three occupants soon realized what the holdup was – an army of people stood roughly ten feet away from the front end of the bus, blocking the entrance to the city.

"Whoa," Raven said, shocked. "I didn't know you guys had such a fan base in Dearborn."

"We don't," Ami said, frightened.

The Titan sighed. "Then I guess we have a problem," she said.

As the bus idled in the streets, the leader of the mob stepped forward. His soulless grey eyes glimmered with anticipation. In a voice that could have only come from the dark reaches of Hell he screamed: "DEATH TO THE MORTALS!"

Raven closed her eyes as she heard the war cry. "Oh, I'm sure that's not good," she groaned.

As if on cue, the army of Deadites charged towards the bus, ready to take down all inside of it.

"They're heading right for us!" Ami screamed.

"Oh man, what are we going to do?!" Yumi cried, hugging her partner.

The Titan thought for a moment - and came to the only answer. Leaning towards Kaz she said, "Drive!"

The little man looked at her, stunned. "You want me to run them over?" he asked in disbelief.

"Either you run over their asses or it'll be our asses!" the girl exclaimed.

The manager paused for a moment. "Okay - self-preservation kicking in," he said as he shifted the bus into gear. "Hot on to your hot pants!"

With that, he slammed down on the accelerator, sending the vehicle plowing through the masses of people like a giant wedge.

"EEW! Gross!" Ami cried. "These things don't even look human!"

"That's because they aren't anymore!" Kaz called out from behind the wheel. "They're Deadites - an evil soul that possesses a mortal host!"

"So how do we kill them?!" Yumi asked as the three girls bounced around the cab of the bus.

"The same way you kill anything else," Raven said, grimly. "With extreme prejudice."

The girls nearly slammed into each other as the bus swerved hard to the right.

"Kaz, where are you taking this thing?!" the punk rocker cried as she and Ami butted heads.

"To the S-mart department store!" the old man said. "It's Senior Citizen Day!"

"Kaz, now is not the time to buy Depends!" Yumi screamed. "We're being chased by creepy freakin' people things!"

"No, I mean I'm almost positive that Mr. Williams will be working there today!" Kaz said, flipping on the windshield wipers to clean off the 'mess'.

"For our sake, I hope he didn't call in sick!" Ami yelled, holding onto the couch for dear life.

The bus clipped a postbox on the next turn, sending mail - and Deadites - flying into the morning breeze.

"There it is!" Raven cried, seeing the neon lights of the store in the distance.

"Hold on!" Kaz said, swerving out of the way of a parked car. "This is where things get rough!"

The bus lurched over the sidewalk, shooting sparks from the muffler as it scraped along the ground before colliding with a lamppost. The already overworked engine sputtered its' last breathes before going silent.

"Okay, everybody OFF!" Raven cried, opening the front door. "Those guys'll be right behind us, so let's MOVE!"

The four humans quickly evacuated the vehicle, Deadites closing in on their location.

"NO! Not my beautiful bus!" Kaz cried as he hugged what remained of the fender. "I'm sorry!"

"Dammit, come ON!" Raven said, managing to drag him away from the wreckage. "The bus is dead, and we'll be too if we don't find Ashly Williams now! He's the only one who can help us!"

Looking at the store head of her, she narrowed her eyes. "Let's go make ourselves known," she said as the four of them made a beeline for the entrance.

As Raven hauled ass across the parking lot with what remained of PuffyAmiYumi in tow, a silhouette watched her from the darkness of the road. "Well," it laughed. "So nice to see you again, Raven. I think it's about time the two of us got...reacquainted."

With that said, the creature raised its' hand, and marched the legions of Deadites towards the S-Mart, ready to finish what the Deadite Queen had started.


	5. Chapter 4

The surprise of four people bushing through the doors right at opening startled Toby, the young greeter who wasn't quite fully awake as of the moment. "Whoa!" he cried, holding his arms out in front of him. "Where's the fire, ladies?"  
"Can you tell us where Mr. Williams is working today?" Ami asked, panicky.  
At this, the young man smiled. "Oh, he's where he always works - in the back in Housewares."  
The girl hugged Toby, which caught the boy by surprise. "Thank God!" she cried.  
"Let's go talk to this Mr. Williams," Raven said, motioning towards the main aisle. Looking at Toby, she said, "Thanks."  
"No prob," the man said. "-and remember: Shop smart, Shop S-mart!"  
"Ugh!" Yumi grunted as she followed the Titan. "Could they have come up with a more retarded slogan?"  
The young man watched as the group made tracks for the back of the store. "Dude, those two girls kinda looked like those Japanese rocker chicks," he said to himself. "Hi-Puff Yumi Dumi? Not, that's not it...Ah, it's something like that."  
Turning back towards the door, Toby was greeted with the ugly-ass face of a Deadite. It snickered at him as the rest of the mob began pouring through the door.  
"Whoa!" the man said, startled. "Major movie makeup, dudes! How do you guys get yourselves to look like that?"  
The lead Deadite looked back at the others, who started looking at one another in bewilderment. Some scratched heir heads; others just shrugged their shoulders.  
The head Deadite looked back at Toby. "Uh, no comment," it said in a raspy voice.  
"So, what'cha guys need," the man asked the mob, completely oblivious of the danger he was in.  
The Deadite held his chin, poised in thought. "Oh, I don't know," it said, pursing its' lips. "12-Pack Miller High Life, nachos, microwave burritos....AND YOUR SOUL!!"  
Toby swallowed hard as the massive wave of creatures began to push through. "Something tells me I ain't getting overtime this week," he said as the Deadites reached for his throat.

"Great," Raven muttered as she took a turn down the ceramics aisle. "Those things are in the store now!"  
"What should we do?" Ami asked, nervously.  
The Titan thought for a second. "Split up," she said. "This'll give them two sets of targets to chase after, and hopefully one of us can get to Williams in time!"  
"You don't have to tell me twice!" Yumi said, grabbing her friend's hand. "Ami! Let's go!"  
As the pair took off down the hardware aisle, Raven looked down at Kaz.  
"What?" he asked, puzzled.  
"I've had better partners," the girl said. "On the other hand, I've also had worse."  
"Could we just get moving before something bites me in the butt?!" the little man said, impatiently before taking off down the aisle.  
"And I thought I had problems," the Titan said to herself as she and Kaz headed around the next turn.

"Yumi, where are we going?" Ami asked her friend as they turned down yet another hardware aisle.  
"How should I know?!" the punk girl shot back, angrily. "They don't have any signs up like they do at Wal-Mart! Jeez, I didn't expect this backwoods store would be so complicated!"  
Suddenly, the rocker came to a dead stop in the middle of the aisle. "...and I think it just might have gotten even more so," she added.  
Looking ahead, Ami gasped. Standing at the end of the aisle was another army....this one composed of obsessive, geeky, hormone-driven, and sexually inactive HiHi PuffyAmiYumi fan boys!  
Ooops," Ami said, sheepishly. "I guess we do have a fan base in Dearborn!"  
"Makes me wonder if Kaz told everyone in town we were coming," Yumi growled. "Remind me to kill him when we get out of this - providing the Deadites don't do it for me!"  
The group of fan boys drooled as they caught sight of the two girls.  
"Ith's really them!" one of the boys said with a really bad lisp.  
"Let's tear their clothes off and sell 'em on EBay!" another one yelled.  
At this, Yumi started stepping backwards. "Ami, let's just go back out the way we came, alright?" she said.  
The other girl nodded.  
"Okay," the punk girl said. "Easy now..."  
"HEY!" a gruff voice roared from behind the girls. Spinning around, they found themselves staring at the first group that had been chasing them...the army of Deadites!  
"Look! It's them!" one of the creatures shrieked.  
"Let's tear their heads off and sell 'em on EBay!" another one cried.  
"Lovely," Yumi said, looking from one evil to another. "Stuck between a rock and a hard place."  
"Which way do we go?" Ami asked, fearfully.  
"Well, we could be eaten alive by Deadites, or eaten alive by groupies," the punk rocker said. "But if the Deadites get us, they're bound to turn the geek squad, too. Then we'll be undead stuck with undead geeks groping us 'till the end of time!"  
After a moment of thought, Yumi pointed towards the geeks. "We're going that way," she said.  
"But...but...what happens if the Deadites turn those guys?" Ami asked.  
"Then I guess we'll just have to sign their autographs with something a little more potent...like lead," Yumi said, matter-of-factly. "Plus, at least we'll be alive."  
"Yeah, that's gotta account for something," the rocker said, thoughtfully. "Alright, let's do it!"  
Holding each other's hand tightly, the two girls charged headlong into the rabid fan boys. As they made their way through the maze of geeky wonder, a series of comments could be heard from inside the mob:  
"OW! Watch it! Not the hair! Get off of me! OUCH! Don't grab that! It doesn't come off! HEY! What the - Hee-hee-hee-he! DON'T TICKLE ME!"  
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the two girls emerged from the other side.  
"Well, that brings back some bad memories," Yumi said, smoothing her clothes out - at least, what remained of them. Looking over at Ami, she saw that her friend was still giggling and holding her sides.  
"He-he," she laughed. "There's one in every crowd."  
Looking back, the two watched as the fan boys and the Deadites met face-to-face.  
"WOW!" one of the geeks cried. "REAL Deadites! Let's get their autographs!"  
The punk girl shook her head in disbelief. "Is there anything these nerds won't stampede for?" she asked.  
Turning to Ami, she waved her hand. "Let's go, "she said."These guys apparently have a lot to catch up on."

"Whoa, slow DOWN!" Kaz whined as Raven high-tailed it through the store. "I'm not in the shape I used to be!"  
"You're gonna be in even worse shape if one of those things gets a hold of you!" the girl snapped back.  
As she turned another corner, her eyes brightened up. "Yes!" she cried, surveying the display before her. "We're finally in Housewares!"  
Wasting no time, the Titan ran up to one of the cashiers.  
"Hi, I'm Cindy!" the girl at the register said in a cute and bubbly voice. "How can I help you?"  
"Where's Mr. Williams?!" Raven asked, frantically.  
"Who?" The girl looked puzzled for a moment before perking back up. "Oh, you mean Ash!" she said, smiling. "I'm afraid he's on break as of the moment."  
The Goth girl's heart sunk to the pit of her stomach. 'Just my luck," she thought to herself. "Well, do you think you could go get him?" she asked. "It's...kinda important."  
"You know, I'd love to, but I don't think that would be a good idea," the cashier said, her tone as bubbly and cheerful as ever. "He's already upset because S-mart doesn't pay him enough to stock the shelves, mop the floor, save mankind from the undead, ect, ect...so, he's kinda having a bad day."  
Raven was so furious her hair could have caught fire. All she wanted to do was grab this girl by the throat and pound her head in with a Buick. However, she managed an even better idea.  
"Oh...okay," she said in an eerily calm voice. "I understand what Ash must be going through. You see, I seem to be having a bad morning myself."  
"Really?" Cindy asked. "What's wrong?"  
"Well, these friends of mine just keep chasing me all over the place," the Titan continued. "They just don't seem to understand that I need my personal space."  
"I hear that, honey," the cashier said.  
Raven smiled. "Here, let me show you."  
Wrapping her arm around the young woman, the goth girl led her to the front of the Housewares department.  
"Cindy...it is Cindy, right?" she asked.  
The girl nodded.  
"Good. Cindy, meet my friends," Raven said, pointing down the aisle - at a fast-approaching wave of evil Deadites!  
"EEP!" Cindy cried.  
Keeping the smile on her face, the Titan asked, "Do you think you can get Ash for me now?"  
"Sure thing," the girl said, rushing into the backroom.  
As Raven looked on at the masses of creatures coming her way, Ami and Yumi charged out of an adjacent aisle.  
"Whew!" Ami said, breathing hard. "Got rid of those Deadites for the moment!"  
"Consider it a very short moment," the Titan said.  
Looking up, the two rockers saw the army heading straight for them!  
"Oh man!" Yumi groaned. "Can't we ever catch a break?!"  
As the Deadites drew nearer, the rockers and their manager held each other in fear.  
"Don't let it end this way!" Kaz cried, sniffling. "I'm much too young to die!"  
"Who are you kidding?!" Yumi said, her eyes locked on the demons heading for them. "We're the ones who are too young to die!"  
"Y-Yeah!" Ami blubbered, her eyes tightly shut so she wouldn't see her demise coming for her.  
Raven, on the other hand, had a much more useful idea: hopping the counter, she busted open one of the weapons cases and grabbed a pump-action shotgun and a box of shells. Loading the weapon, she narrowed her eyes.  
"If it's a war these freaks want," she said, pumping the gun for good measure, "it's a war they're gonna get."


	6. Chapter 5

In the back break room, one of S-Mart's top employees sat down at the table to enjoy a little sustenance. He had gotten stuck with the lousy job of getting the store set up for Senior Citizens Day the night before; therefore, he never got to eat dinner. But that was the usual S-Mart way: find the person who would least likely want to spend eight extra hours at the store - and stick him there for ten.  
That was all at the back of his mind now. On his current agenda was a lovely tuna fish sandwich than would finally satisfy his hunger panes.  
"Oh yeah," he said, lifting the sandwich to his mouth. "Come to Papa..."

Cindy slammed open the door to the break room, startling the man so much that his sandwich flew out of his hands and into the air. He juggled the food in his hands as he tried to prevent it from falling to the floor.  
"Sorry to have startled you, honey," she said, slightly embarrassed, "but you're needed in Housewares."  
"What is it now?!" the man griped, finally catching his food.  
"Well, we've got a bit of a problem..." Cindy began.  
"Oh, there's always a problem!" he said, throwing his right hand in the air - well, the metal gauntlet he had fashioned for a right hand after losing his at a cabin just outside of the city. "Can't you get Buck or Iggy to take care of it?"  
"I'm not sure they have to right....expertise for this," the cashier said, meekly.  
The man rolled his eyes. "Oh, that's just great," he said, frustrated. "I mean, can't I get just a little bit of 'me' time to eat my sandwich in peace without having to clean up a pile of puke, piss, or God-knows whatever else these old people leave for us as a tip?"  
"Well, actually there's this girl out here, and she and her friends are being chased by these really ugly-looking people," Cindy said.  
This got the clerk's attention. "'Ugly'?" he said, narrowing his eyes. "How ugly?"  
"Let's just say that they'd probably be banned from a freak show," the cashier said.  
The man frowned, and tossed his uneaten sandwich on the table. "Why is it these guys always show their faces on Senior Citizen Day?" he grumbled. "I already know I ain't getting any overtime for this."  
Getting up from his chair, the clerk walked over to the crew lockers. Hanging in his designated section were two things this S-Mart employee never went anywhere without: on one hook hung a gas-powered chainsaw; the other a 12-gauge Remington double-barreled shotgun made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. It featured a cobalt blue steel barrel, oak stock, and a hair trigger for a retail price of about $199.95 - an S-Mart exclusive. A sign had been posted over the two items with big red letters that read: RESERVED FOR DEADITE ASS-KICKING! DO NOT USE ON CUSTOMERS - EVEN IF THEY ARE RETURNING MERCHANDISE!  
"Well," the man said, grabbing the shotgun with his left hand, the chainsaw with his right, "I guess it's just another day in the life of your friendly neighborhood ass-kicker."

BOOM! Another Deadite went flying as Raven unloaded a barrel of buckshot into it. For the moment, the Titan had the upper hand against the creatures - and the only hand since Kaz and the girls had fled into the safety of the surrounding aisles. The sound of gunfire was drawing all the Deadites to her position - which wasn't such a bad thing.  
"Come on!" the girl yelled as she clocked a second one in the head with the shotgun. "You guys are nothing! I expected a challenge!"  
Almost as if on cue, a burly Deadite broke through the ranks and charged her. Missing its' mark with its' massive fist, the abomination received a kick to the groin for its' trouble, doubling it over.  
"The bigger they are..." Raven paused as she blew a gaping hole through the beast's head, sending pieces of brain everywhere, "the harder they fall!"  
Scanning the scene before her, the girl realized something - the Deadites had stopped pressing forward. They now simply stood their ground, as if waiting for orders.  
"What's going on?" the Titan asked herself. "What are they waiting for?"  
Then, she felt a chill go down her spine. Something was terribly wrong...

Raven watched as the massive army of Deadites split up, with each section stepping to the side to make a pathway down the middle. As they did so, a gargantuan figure walked towards the young girl.  
The Titan's heart began racing. 'Who is this guy?' she thought. 'It's like I know him..'  
The monstrosity smiled as it finally showed its' face. Raven's eyes grew wide.  
"NO!" she cried. "It-it can't be...!"  
"Oh, I'm afraid it is, Rae." Control Freak licked his lips as he stared down at Raven. Originally one of the Titans 'lesser' villains, Control Freak had embraced the power that the Deadite Queen bestowed upon him - and transformed into a monstrous creature. His grey skin now bulged outward, barely containing the massive Herculean physique he had gained when he joined his spirit with the mighty Army of Darkness. It now seemed evident to the Titan that this once-pathetic sci-fi junkie wasn't joking around anymore - and on the lookout for someone to test his new abilities on.  
Raven's jaw set, and she pumped the shotgun one more time. No way was she going down at the hands of a nutcase, that was for sure. Raising the gun with Control Freak's head in the sight, she gritted her teeth.  
"Adios, Lamebrain," she said as she pulled the trigger.  
Click. Nothing. No satisfying BOOM or recoil at all. The goth girl had reached the end of her stockpile.  
"Shit..." she muttered.  
Control Freak smiled. "Ooh, Out of ammo, eh? That's too bad."  
Taking a few more steps towards the Titan, he laughed. "I bet you're wishing it was like the movies now, eh Raven?" he said, smirking. "In the movies, you never run out of ammo, the bad guys never win, and the hero never dies."  
Stopping within an arm's length of the girl, he looked down at her. "Too bad life isn't that perfect," he said.  
Trapped in the Housewares department, with no backup or ammo, Raven resorted to the final card in her hand. Gripping the barrel with both hands, she swung at Control Freak's head with all her might.  
The wooden stock came to an abrupt stop - right into the outstretched palm of the behemoth's hand!  
Looking up, Raven sighed. "So much for that bright idea," she said.  
Ripping the empty weapon from the girls' hands, the monster crushed it with one massive squeeze and hurled it across the store. Then he wrapped his massive hand around the Titan's throat and hoisted her into the air. Raven kicked and thrashed violently as she struggled in vain to break his iron grip.  
Control Freak laughed as he watched the girl's body slowly go limp as she gasped for air.  
"So much for the Chosen One," he said, sarcastically.  
Raven felt all of the life drain out of her. There was no escape now. Soon, she would be dead - as would everyone else in the world.  
'So, this is how it ends,' she thought as her mind faded. 'Forgive me, my friends. I...I've failed...'  
The Titan closed her eyes as she waited for the end....

"Hey, you mind if I cut in?"  
Before the behemoth could respond, the shiny, diamond-plated blade of a chainsaw came mowing down through his arm, severing it at the elbow. The pressure around Raven's throat ceased as she collapsed to the floor, gasping for air.  
Control Freak clutched what was left of his arm with his left hand. Looking at the wound, he began to shake with fury.  
"Who dares harm the mighty CONTROL FREAK?!?" he roared in pain.  
"I dare, ugly," a voice came from the monster's right. Looking in that direction, the creature's jaw dropped in awe.  
"No... It - It can't be..." he stuttered.

Standing before the monstrosity was a middle-aged man, wielding a massive gas-powered chainsaw. His devilish good looks and slick back hair hid a violent secret: He had been the one who annihilated the Army of Darkness before it could gain the power to destroy the world. He was the Chosen One!  
"So, you know who I am, eh?" he said as Control Freak stared at him.  
"Know you?!" the man said, his dorky side shining through the evil. "I worshipped you! You're... You're ...."  
The man smiled, and cocked his head to the side defiantly.  
"Name's Ashly J. Williams," he said. "Man of action. Time traveler. Deadite slayer. Employee of the Month."  
The army of Deadites behind Control Freak looked at one another in shock. Some just stared, while others started stepping back.  
"Hey, wait a minute!" the gruesome leader said, still grasping his stump. "Where the hell do you think you're going?!"  
"It is the Chosen One!" one of the creatures said. "He is far too powerful to beat without the strength of the Deadite Queen behind us!"  
"Yea, and we don't want to have our asses chopped off and served back to us," another said.  
At this, Ash smiled. "So, these guys have learned something after all," he said.  
The army slowly retreated back towards the doorway, tripping over one another as they went.  
"The Deadite Queen has demanded that if we encounter the Chosen One, we must retreat until the time he challenges our might on the fated battlegrounds," a Deadite said, reading from a piece of parchment he had tucked in his pocket. "So until then....RUN AWAY!"  
With that said, the massive wave of monsters stampeded out the doors of the S-Mart, leaving Control Freak with Ash and Raven. The behemoth growled at the Titan, then looked at the clerk.  
"Until next time," he uttered before joining the undead crowd in retreat.

Raven slowly got up off the floor. Her neck still bore the deep red marks of Control Freak's meaty hand, and her lungs still ached as she regained her breath.  
"That was close," she muttered to herself. Unfortunately, it wasn't quiet enough to get past Ash.  
"Close my ass," he said as he powered down the chainsaw. "Two more seconds, and you would've been the prettiest goth girl to ever hit this town's mortuary. 'Close' ain't close enough."  
Finding her bearings, the Titan turned to the clerk. She had traveled all this way to find the Chosen One, and she wasn't about to go home empty-handed.  
"Ash Williams?" she asked, quizzically.  
"That's what it says on my name tag," the man said, pointing to the laminated pin on his shirt. "And it seems you left yours back at the Halloween outlet mall. Who might you be?"  
"The name's Raven," the girl said, slicking back her hair. "I was sent here by the Ancients to contact you."  
At this, Ash rolled his eyes. "Great," he muttered. "What do those spooks want with me now?"  
"Well..." the Titan paused for a moment.  
"Come on, spit it out!" the clerk said, impatiently. "I don't have all day here!"  
Raven sighed, slowly. "The Ancients have requested your help in defeating the Deadites and restoring order to the world," she said.  
"Tch!" Ash grunted. "A couple of Deadites crash the party and suddenly they think all Hell has broken loose. Those Ancients are really getting on my last nerve."  
"E-Excuse me?" the goth girl said, stunned. This was not at all the way she imagined the Chosen One would act. In fact, he seemed sort of....childish.  
"Look Lilith," the man said, staring hard at the girl. "Just because a small group of Deadites crawl out of the woodwork doesn't mean the world is going to end. In fact, it's a pretty common occurrence around here - you know, a cold front moves in from the north, a heat wave from the south, the two fronts collide together, the atoms and molecules start mixing and....stuff..and...uh...POOF! Deadites!"  
Raven crossed her arms over her chest, looking at Ash with a raised eyebrow.  
"Sounds to me like you have absolutely no clue what you're talking about," she said, matter-of-factly.  
"Well, ex-cuuuse me, Miss Hot Pants!" the clerk shot back, angrily. "I didn't realize there was going to be a quiz at the end of this!"  
The Titan gritted her teeth. Little by little she began to think that maybe this side trip had been a complete waste of time.  
"Listen up, pal," she said, frustrated. "If you're not going to help me save the world, then I'll do it by myself."  
"OOH, by all means go ahead," Ash said, sarcastically. "From what I've seen, you've been doing a bang-up job."  
The girl clenched her fists in rage. She had just about had enough of this 'Chosen One's' mouth.  
"See, this is why you women have so many problems - you don't think about the situation," the clerk went on. "The seal on the Necronomicon isn't 100% idiot-proof. Sometimes, some of the essence gets out, and suddenly I've got Deadites knocking on my door trying to sell me two eternities of torment for the price of one. So, I do a little clean-up now and then."  
At that moment, he smirked. "Besides, it's not as if some idiot got their meaty palms on the book and read from it," he finished.  
Raven slowly looked down at the ground, biting her lower lip. Ash quickly noticed this, and knew something was up.  
"They did, didn't they?" he asked.  
The goth girl nodded.  
The man shook his head, grimacing. "What the hell?!" he yelled. "It's like some cheaply-made movie saga that's been plaguing my life for the past ten years! On top of that, it always begins the same way: Some dumbass finds the book, engages in some scholastic voodoo casting, and before you know it I'm back to risking my neck for some sort of normal life - along with the salvation of mankind."  
The clerk sighed. "Well, do you know who did it this time?" he asked, looking at Raven.  
The Titan fidgeted as she tried not to make eye contact with Ash. "I-I did," she finally stammered. "I got a hold of the book from an occult bookstore in Titan City. I-I didn't believe in the dark history of the book, so I read from one of the passages - and unleashed the Deadite Queen on the entire city." She sighed, her eyes unblinking. "They're probably all dead now, and it's all my fault."  
As the girl stood with her head downcast, Ash looked at her solemnly. Slowly he raised his right hand. Just as it looked as if he was going to place it on her shoulder to comfort her, he swung, thumping Raven hard on the back of her head with his metal gauntlet.  
"OOOWW!!!" The Titan cried, cradling her head. "WHAT WAS THAT FOR!?!"  
"That's for being a dumbass!" the clerk said, irritated. "'Ooh, look! It's a book with a fugly face on the cover! What should we do? I know - let's READ IT!!' "  
Raven rubbed the back of her head. It throbbed under her hand as she winched in pain.  
"Well, you could have just told me you were upset," she said, irritated.  
Ash shook his head. "No can do, sister," he said. "That's the only way your generation ever learns from their mistakes."  
With that display of emotion out of the way, the clerk sighed. "Well, here we go again. The King, forced back into combat for the salvation of mankind. You'd think by now I'd have some kind of Ash-Phone for the mayor to call me when somebody starts screwing with the fate of this planet."  
The young Goth girl rolled her eyes. "Maybe they'll get around to it when you start putting some of these freaks back in the ground," she quipped.  
Ash glared at the Titan. 'This girl's got one hell of a mouth on her', he thought to himself. 'Kinda reminds me of someone I know...like me!'  
For a moment, there was silence. Then, as if an alarm had gone off signaling the end to the danger, Kaz, Ami and Yumi re-emerged from the safety of the aisles.  
"Whoa! That was a close one!" the manager said as he stopped to wipe his brow. "Who'd ever think I'd get to see real Deadites?!"  
Ash smirked at Kaz's comment. "Well, you better get used to it," he said. "'Cause you're gonna see a hell of a lot more of them since Miss Raven here read from the book."  
"I ALREADY SAID I WAS SORRY!!" the girl screamed as blame was once again thrown her way.  
"And that will amount to precisely bubkiss when the Deadite Queen turns you into her personal punching bag," the clerk responded with a tongue just as sharp. "Now is the time for action, not whining!"  
With that, Ash turned and headed towards the back of the store.  
"Hey!" Ami cried out. "Where are you going?"  
"Out the back," the man said. "That's where I park so I can get outta here at five o' clock in a big freakin' hurry. You wanna survive to see the sun rise again, put your ass in gear. Otherwise, stay the hell outta my way!"  
The four looked at one another for a brief moment, and then shuffled after the Chosen One towards the employee lounge.


	7. Chapter 6

"So, how many times have you fought the Deadites, Ash?" Ami asked the clerk as he packed up his locker.  
"More times than I'd like to remember, and definitely more times than I'd like to count," he said, zipping close his backpack. "These things are like a bad itch. Once they get into you, there isn't a whole hell of a lot you can do to stop them."  
Yumi stretched her arms over her head and yawned. "So, what would happen if one of us were taken over by this evil whatchmacallit?"  
Ash hefted the pack onto his shoulder. "Then I'd be carving you up like a Thanksgiving turkey within two seconds of you going all Deadite on me," he said matter-of-factly.  
The girl's eyes grew wide, and she swallowed hard. "That's-that's good to know," she stammered.  
"Consider it a public service," the clerk said. "Now, let's roll on out of here."  
As the group made a beeline for the emergency exit, Ash noticed his sandwich still sitting on the table where he had left it. Immediately, his stomach growled and reminded him that he had yet to fill it.  
Slowly, as to not attract attention, he seated himself back down in front of his lunch, and picked it up.  
"Well, might as well have one for the road," he said as he opened his mouth.  
Suddenly, before Ash could react, Kaz walked by and snatched the tuna fish sandwich right out of the clerk's hands!  
"Thanks!" the little man said, happily munching down on the sandwich as he walked away. "I could sure use a snack right about now."  
Sighing in disgust, Ash got back up and headed for the exit. "If I'm stuck with having to save the world again, I at least hoped I could have done it on a full stomach," he grumbled to himself.

The group slowly made their way outside, each of them on the lookout for any Deadites in the area. Apparently Ash's presence was enough of a deterrent, for none were in sight.  
"Wow, those guys cleared out of here pretty quick," Ami said as she looked around.  
"They tend to whenever I'm in town," the clerk said, smirking. "I've got so many tallies on my scorecard, I'm thinking about betting on myself at the local sports book."  
Looking ahead, the group could make out the silhouette of Ash's Oldsmobile, sitting idly in the parking space.  
"Has anyone noticed how quiet it is around here?" Kaz said, glancing around him. "It's like the whole city is…"  
"Dead?" Ash finished for the manager. "That's 'cause it is, Short Stuff. Soon enough, the evil essence of the Deadite Queen and the Army of Darkness is gonna sweep over the entire world – providing we don't stop it, of course."  
Suddenly, Ash stiffened. Something wasn't right about this situation…

"ASH!" a voice emanated from the darkness of the early morning sky.  
"Whoahh!" the clerk cried, leaping nearly a foot into the air. As he caught himself, a ghostly head began to materialize in front of the small group.  
"Wh-what the hell is that?!" Yumi cried, hiding herself behind Raven.  
Noticing the face that had appeared before him, Ash grimaced. "Knowby…" he grunted. "Why am I not surprised to see you here?"  
"Ash," the spirit said, its' deep booming voice echoing in the silence of the empty streets. "It seems the evil has risen again."  
"No shit, Sherlock," the clerk shot back, irritated. "What gave it away? The entourage of shemps behinds me, or the army of Deadites that just turned my job into a full-blown pain in the ass?"  
Ignoring the dripping sarcasm, Knowby continued. "Once again, it's up to you, Ash, to send these demons back where they belong and free the world from their iron grip," he said.  
Ash waved his hand at the spirit. "Stop being such a worrywart, Knowbes," he said. "I'll just hunt down these ass pirates, send the Wicked Witch of the Dead back into her little lamp, do some ethnic cleansing, and be home in time for corn flakes – and don't make me mention food again, pal. I haven't eaten for 20 hours."  
The ghostly head shook back and forth as Knowby grimaced. "It will not be that easy, Ash," he said.  
"What are you talking about?" the clerk asked.  
"When Raven summoned the Deadite Queen, she had the Book with her," the spirit said, sadly. "It was one of the incantations that released the beast from its' slumber."  
A small bead of sweat slid down Ash's face. "So where's the Book?" he asked.  
"Back with Raven's body," Knowby stated. "Unfortunately, her body is now host to the Deadite Queen itself."  
A wave of shock hit the clerk. "Knowbes, you aren't saying what I think you're saying –"  
"The Army of Darkness already has the Book, Ash," the ghost said. "They have been using its' spells to increase the range of their power and influence over the world."  
"Ahhh…SON OF A BITCH!!!" the man yelled, clenching his fists and stomping his foot. Looking over at Raven, his eyes widened in anger.  
"Do you have any idea how difficult you are making this for me, Raven?!" he shouted, spit flying from his lips. "Why don't I just lie on a big platter and you roll me right up to the Deadite Queen so she can eat my ass?! It would be a hell of a lot easier than what I have to do now!"  
Ash shook his head. "Why the hell didn't you grab the book?" he asked the girl.  
"Well, I was in the middle of an out-of-body experience, and there was that part where that creature threw me into another dimension, so in the heat of the moment I forgot it," the Goth girl shot back sarcastically. "Plus, if you look at my outfit, I don't exactly have any pockets!"  
"Calm down, you two," Knowby said, comfortingly. "All is not lost yet. There still remains one chance at completing this mission."  
"Like what, Knowbes?" the clerk asked, sneering. "You want us to walk up to the Deadite Queen and ask her for the book back? That'll never work! Face it – they got the book. Game over. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 friggin' dollars!"  
"There is still a vessel of Kandarian knowledge that has not fallen into the hands of the Army," the spirit said. "You must seek it out. It has the necessary incantations to help combat the spells placed into effect by the Deadite Queen. You will fail without it."  
Ash sighed. "Okay, Knowby," he said, calming down. "Where do I find this vessel of voodoo crap?"  
"I think you already know where he is," the face stated matter-of-factly. "To succeed in this mission, you will have to rekindle an old friendship."  
For a moment, the clerk sat in silence. Then a look of recognition – and horror – shot across his face. "Oh no!" he said, wagging his finger back and forth. "No! No way! No way in hell! I'd rather have the Deadite Queen chop my head off and shove it up my ass than have to work with that guy again! Uh-uh, ain't happening! There is no way in hell that you're going to get me to do that!"

"Why the hell am I doing this?" Ash grumbled to himself as he drove on into the sun drenched horizon. "Of all the lousy, no-good…damn!"  
Despite the fact that the suggestion Professor Knowby had given him had not been to his liking, the clerk know no other way to deal with the powers of the Book than using its' own spells against it. By this time, Ash had headed out to find what he needed – rather, who he needed. In the back seat of the car sat Ami, Yumi and Raven. The Goth girl had given up the front seat to Kaz, since she knew that her sitting next to the clerk was bound to cause some problems. They had been driving for only twenty minutes, and Ash was already regretting that decision as Kaz chatted non-stop about all of the legends and lore he had read about The Necronomicon and the events that had transpired in the cabin. For the dashing hero, it was an unwanted trip down Hell's memory lane. Sensing his tension, Ami opted to change the subject.  
"Ash, who's this guy that knows all these incantations?" she asked.  
The man sighed. "Well, the whole thing started back at that damn cabin," he began. "I had to kill my friends – and my girlfriend – in self-defense. Unfortunately for yours truly, the legal system says killing's a bad thing – even if it's a host of a Kandarian Demon. So, I went up for murder, was declared insane, and sent to this lovely shithole known as Sunny Meadows."  
Ash paused as he took a right-hand turn. "Anyway," he continued, "I found out while I was there that my shrink had gotten his meaty palms on the Book and was hell-bent on starting the Second Coming a little bit early. So, I jumped into action. The bad thing was, without the Book, I couldn't stop Reinhardt from releasing the evil, and it wasn't like I could read that ancient blah-blah anyway. So, Knowby stuck me with this three-foot tall, half-dead pain in my ass that was about as talkative as your friend Kaz here. Long story short, we kicked my shrink's ass and put my lawyer out of her misery when she turned on me. Just my luck…"  
The car pulled up to a run-down house on the outskirts of the city. Putting it in park, Ash exited the vehicle and headed towards the front door. Anxiety showed on the man's face as he rung the doorbell. This would not be a pleasant reunion...

As the door opened, Ami and Yumi tried their best not to be sickened by what stood in the doorway. To them, it looked like a three-foot tall corpse that had just come from trouncing around in a grave. Half of the creature's face was horribly disfigured, and the other half wasn't too shabby, either.  
"What the hell is that?" Raven muttered to herself, getting out of the car for a better look.  
"I don't know, but I hope we're at the wrong house," Kaz whimpered, cowering behind the two rockers.  
The creature hadn't caught sight of the girls or the manager yet, but it immediately recognized Ash.  
"ASH!" it exclaimed. "I never expected to see you here! It's been a long time!"  
"Yea, it has," the man said, grimacing, "but not long enough, Sam…"


End file.
